Breaking the Boy Code

I’m Becoming More Like Them: Boys and Belonging

Episode Summary

Fifteen-year-old Logan talks about moving across the country and leaving behind the openness and warmth of the friendships he used to have. Joined by Dr. Michael Reichert, author of How To Raise A Boy.

Episode Notes

Logan moved to Florida at the end of the summer. I’ll never know entirely what he left behind in California. I know that he had half a dozen friends on his street and the next, that on early mornings he would go to one of their houses for breakfast before bicycling together to school. I know that his grade at school held a lot of trust between themselves and cried at their graduation ceremony. I know that they were almost always together.

The new school isn’t the same. It’s a private school built for achievement, serving a highly ambitious student population and no single school district. It’s meant a lot of changes for Logan, with one of the most significant being the depth of his relationships with his peers.

Over the months, he’s also noticed changes within himself. While he still identifies the same strengths in himself that I do—his capacity for connection, his thoughtfulness and selflessness—he sees himself reflecting the attitudes and priorities of the people around him. “I don’t know if it’s just high school or being in a new place, or new people or whatever it is, but I feel like I’m changing,” he told me. “Like, I can notice myself…my personality is different from when I left.”

Continue reading on Medium

Further Reading

Michael’s most recent book is How to Raise a Boy. He also co-wrote two books on boys and relational learning with his research partner, Richard Hawley, which you can find on his website. They also published the initial findings of their research in a report for the International Boys’ School Coalition called Teaching Boys: A Global Study of Effective Practices.


Michael Reichert, How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men

Julie Beck, Raising Boys With a Broader Definition of Masculinity

Judy Chu, Supporting Boys’ Healthy Resistance to Masculine Norms

The Haverford School, Counseling Services


If you thought this episode was worthwhile, support it on Patreon.

Email to get in touch. Connect with @boypodcast on all mainstream social media. Follow the publication on Medium for more writing and the blog on Tumblr for more masculinity research and occasional podcast-related updates.

Supported by Next Gen Men.